Choices lead, Feelings follow.

The weekend we found out about the tumor we were flooded with emotions. A lot of unknowns to try and process, the word tumor alone feels heavy, nevertheless brain tumor. It was in the midst of the hurricane of “what ifs” that a profound truth was spoken over us. “If you focus on the storm the waves will swallow you, but if you LIFT your eyes up, you can walk on water.” We were told the story of Peter from Matthew 14: 22-32. Jesus told Peter to ‘come’ and he climbed out on the boat and walked on water to Jesus. “But when he (Peter) saw the wind, he was afraid and beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”” The wind was blowing the whole time, but its only when Peter took his eyes off Jesus and looked to the wind that be started to sink in fear. What we choose to focus on can either pull us down or lift us up. It’s a daily choice.

Why the story? Because before we walk into each appointment we have to make this choice. Each appointment brings more information, but regardless of the news we will receive, we are making the choice BEFORE we walk in that whatever surprises come our way, are not a surprise to the Lord. He already made the way; we just need to keep one foot in front of the other. I’d be lying to say this is an easy decision. Choices lead, feelings follow.

This week we met with the Neuro-Ophthalmologist, the Endocrinologist, and got more information from the Neurologist. I will do my best to sum up ‘doctor’ talk into normal talk.

First the Ophthalmologist, this was a heavy appointment. Brock knew his vision was being affected, but couldn’t explain why or how exactly. Validation and understanding were found, but also unwanted news. His eyes are technically fine and working properly. The issue is from the compression of the tumor on the optic nerves that run from the eyes to the back of the brain. Our eyes work together sending messages to the brain to make a complete picture, including depth and peripheral vision. For example, even if I am staring straight ahead at a tree, I can still see things to the right and the left and gauge distance without taking my eyes off of the tree. The same nerve in both eyes is being compressed by the tumor therefore causing a portion of his vision to be incomplete in the same spot in both eyes. He doesn’t see the whole picture. The picture is still there; a portion is just constantly blurred out. He can see the beginning letters and the ending letters in a word, but not the middle. How does this affect his daily life? Reading, judging distance, and driving are all more difficult. The doctor went on to inform us that Brock is no longer suppose to drive. Although driving was hard for Brock, hearing that you shouldn’t drive anymore felt like a punch to the gut. Cars are his livelihood after all. Our big question then was if removing the tumor would restore his vision? There was no clear answer and it can go either way. The doctor informed us that even if it does not go back to normal, there are things they can do to help his daily life. The main take away was that if the tumor is not removed it will continue to damage to his vision.

Next, I am going to condense the Endocrinologist appointment and the Neurologist update into one paragraph, because they go hand in hand. The Endocrinologist determined that the pituitary gland is still function, but after the phone call with the Neurologist he does not believe the gland can be salvaged due to the location of the tumor. Although the pituitary gland most likely can’t be saved, hearing it is still functioning was good news. In order to undergo surgery certain hormones needed to still be in production. A biopsy will no longer need to be preformed before the removal of the tumor. The doctors feel confident in how to proceed with the information already gathered, and a consultation is in the process of being set up. At this appointment we will learn the ins and outs and decide a date for surgery. The goal is for the operation to take place in a few weeks.

How are we feeling? You name the emotion and we are feeling it. Happy to have answers, scared of the unknowns, blessed to have great doctors, confident God is working, yet sad that this our reality. But most of all humbled, YOU, yes YOU who are reading this have made an impact on us. We feel your prayers and your caring words, it all means more then words can say. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

How can you join us in prayer? Strength to focus on each day, not what the future holds. Wisdom for the doctors as they continue to review and decide the best way to remove the tumor. For healing, and to be a witness and light to everyone we come in contact with, Psalms 40:1-3. A song Brock has been clinging to is “Promises” by Maverick City, that Gods faithfulness would continue to anchor us.

But-God Bonus Notes:

· The start of this journey Brock had to get blood work done, he HATES needles and after they took his blood he passed out. I mean out cold, waving smelly salts, ice under the neck, every trick in the book. Last week he had to give more blood, we were in and out, no problem. God is working even in the tiniest details.

· This was our second time seeing the Endocrinologist and each time he asks us “if we have any kids”, he goes on to say that conceiving will become more difficult after this journey due to Brocks reproductive hormones being effected. Our surprise pregnancy three months into marriage was God already paving a way. How many couples are only starting to have kids at 28, but we can confidently say our family is complete at 28 years old.